{the life of jane}

{tears come and go}

ppg013

The shear amount of crying I have done in the last two weeks is bordering on insanity. Have you ever cried so hard your head hurts? yeah… that was how I felt for the first week straight. I have ugly cried… seriously ugly cried and I may have even pretty cried once or twice. That’s what happens I guess when you lose a parent. A lot of tears. I good friend of mine in RL told me something that really has helped me through the last two weeks.

I asked her one of the first nights after my mom passed “Why does it hurt so much?” I was a wreck, my emotions were all over the place and I was just letting them come out unchecked. It was maybe after midnight… maybe later… when I texted this.

I got the most meaningful text I ever got back “Because that is just how much she loved you”. Oh that’s what I needed to hear ya know. I think one thing about losing a parent suddenly that is so hard for many people to handle is not saying your goodbyes. Saying I love you one more time and doubting if your loved one knew how much you loved him. *or at least this is how I feel*

In this photo my aim was to try and show the depths of my sadness. It’s never really gonna go away. When I lost my RL dad it was tough, but we weren’t close. When i lost my mom it felt like I lost half my soul. This is a pain that will last forever. I have went to call her a thousand times, sitting with my cell phone in my hand. Her contact picture up on my screen, my thumb hovering over the “call” button. I have to remind myself that she is gone. That soon someone else will have that phone number. So I lock my phone and set it down and walk away.

It’s like the loss of my mother is felt throughout my RL and SL. When I came back I was so sick of looking at the house my avatar sat in the moment I learned the news I tore down my whole sim and started new. I have clung to my amazing SL parents Sasha and Red for support and love and damn am I so blessed to have been picked to be these two amazing people’s kid in SL.

I am doing my best to keep busy. Be it practicing sim desgin or just massing my ever growing pose collection for the studio I hope to open. SL has been a great mind distraction this last week since I have been back home. It’s nice. I am grateful  for all my friends both in RL and SL for their love and support during this really crappy time in my life.

Hair – Spellbound

Necklace & Jacket/top – Pixicat

Tattoos – Dappa

Make up _ Arise

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One thought on “{tears come and go}

  1. I also wear my goth girl avatar when I’m feeling angry at Life. My Mom has advanced Alzheimer’s, so I’ve been losing her bit by bit for years. Maybe it’s easier because I feel animosity toward her, but it still hurts. Sending you love & hugs, wishing for you to work through your pain, to come through it stronger and in peace.

    Liked by 1 person

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